This Fucking Guy: Derek Huffman

Have you heard this name before? Derek Huffman? He is a grade D conservative influencer who really really hates wokeness.

He was living in Arizona when he realized that there was too much fucking woke around him. I mean, he’s a good Christian, and his Trad-family really needs to not have to be surrounded by shit-libs and stuff.

That would not do, so, what is a good Christian to do?

I know, how about move to the place that “Woke” goes to die. Well, I mean, Florida is pretty fuckin’ far from Arizona, and it is humid and it has a lot of those people with a lot of melanin in their skin, so he chose the second bestest place in America, Texas.

He uprooted his family (him, his wife, and their three daughters, aged 11 - 13) and moved to that well insulated place, Plano Texas. You, know the capital of Whiteness and an epicenter of drugged out teens.

But it turned out that it was still too woke for him, when one of his daughters heard the word “lesbian” from one of their playmates in school.

That aggression will not stand.

Here’s where it gets weird.

Most Christian nutters would pull their kids out of school, and homeschool them and indoctrinate them in their cloistered beliefs.

But, as you might guess, that is NOT what Derek did. No, he needed to find the ULTIMATE in a woke-free environment.

Where is woke-free enough?

Derek is not a smart man. He likely consumed a fuck-ton of Fox News and further out-there MAGA bait.

And I would bet my left nut that he watched in amazement the Tucker Carlsen segments on how awesome Moscow was. How their supermarkets were so well stocked and clean, and they even had these things called “carts” to put your groceries into.

And how clean Moscow was, no pride celebration, manhood was celebrated, and their president, Vladimir Putin was an über Christian ideal, who knows how to have a great civilization.

Once he saw that, he realized that he knew where he would find his nirvana: Russia.

So, this not-smart man decided that he needed to emigrate from the US of A to that woke-free paradise of Russia.

I am sure that will end well for him, right? RIGHT? RIGHT?

Well, not really

Struggling to fit in in a place where he had no support structure, in a land with a very foreign language (but at least it wasn’t Mexican, right?) he and his family settled.

They still made videos from their new home in the paradise of Christian values, but they struggled. First, their funds were frozen when they tried to access them. Something about sanctions, or other woke bullshit.

Then, he decided he wanted more than to be a religious/social immigrant, and to become a citizen of Russia, and truly be part of his new homeland, a part of Mother Russia, so to speak.

I mean, he didn’t want to be like those Mexican who walk across the border and just demand handouts, not even trying to speak the language of the Bible, English!

But how to accomplish this?

I know, Russia is locked in a fight to the death with the godless wokesters in the Ukraine!

So the hero of our story decided to enlist in the army, and lend his considerable skills (checks notes …) in Welding and he could also report on the progress. You know because he’s a certified, genuine yoo-tube influencer, he will help report on the righteous works of the mighty Russian military in their fight against the woke heathens of Ukraine.

But, imagine when he was put through a cursory bootcamp, a couple of weeks, in which he was also required to spend his own money for his gear.

Oh, and the training wasn’t even translated into english. I mean how the hell is he supposed to become proficient? (do you think Derek even knows what “proficient” means?)

And then, he was sent to actually fight for mother Russia! I mean, sure, he wants to go shoot those bastards in Ukraine who started the war against his adopted homeland.

From the NY Post:

A Texas father of three who moved his family to Russia and joined the military to escape “wokeness” in the US has been sent to the frontlines of Moscow’s meat grinder, his wife said.

Derek Huffman, 46, claimed he was being tossed under the bus after being deployed to the frontlines in Ukraine despite assurances from the Russian military that he would be serving in a non-combat role, his wife DeAnna said in a now deleted YouTube page, according to the Telegraph.

“He feels like he’s being thrown to the wolves right now, and he’s kind of having to lean on faith, and that’s what we’re all doing,” she said of her husband’s situation.

I mean, who could’ve thunk that this might happen? I mean, he thought there were plenty of North Koreans and Chechens who were granted amnesty from their prison sentences, can’t poor Derek just be a welder, and a correspondent?

He sort of reminds me of another Derek…

Alas, he didn’t succumb to a drone strike

On Friday, there was a bevy of “reports” that Derek had been killed in a Ukrainian drone strike, but alas, that appears to be a false report.

Still this fucking guy uprooted his family twice, first moving to Texas then to Russia all to avoid his daughters from hearing even the mention of “lesbian” on the playground, and then he volunteered to pick up arms and go kill some Ukrainians, for his new lord and Savior, Vladimir Putin.

This weak-willed man didn’t have enough common sense to question the flood of bullshit that he heard from his steady diet of right wing echo-chamber media.

I have no sympathy for him, but I do have some for his daughters, who will likely end up in an authoritarian hell-hole and likely end up trafficked to the Russian elite far worse than if they had fallen into the clutches of Ghislane Maxwell and Jeffrey Epstein.

No, this is fucked up, but I will still point and laugh at that sad man.

For that, Derek “Zoolander” Huffman is This Fucking Guy…

Coda

He moved to Russia in March of this year. What a fuckin’ tool.